In Recovery
by chittychittybangbang16
Summary: AU Garfield is looking for a new start. Fresh out of rehab he meets the troubled Raven Roth and discovers she may need him as much as he needs her.But darkness and addiction always has a way of catching with them. Adult content, language, drug use.
1. Chapter 1

Garfield pushed himself into the final stretch of his morning run. It was a beautiful day: the sun was shining extra bright, the birds were chirping just a little bit louder, and the flowers the bloomed around the trail. Everything seemed extra bright, or at least to Garfield it did. In truth it was a terribly hot August day.

"Morning." He panted cheerfully to a miserable looking woman on the trail.

Choking on the humidity, she sneered at his cheerfulness, an action that went unnoticed by Garfield as he ran by. He could see the residence in the distance so he decided to sprint the last eighth of the mile. He brought himself into a running halt as he entered the lush green backyard. Hands on knees, he brought his stop watch to his face, and smiled. He ran the five kilometers in eighteen minutes. His time hadn't been that low since he ran cross country in high school. He had forgotten how great the running trail was in the park around the corner from his house. The trail at the recovery center had been overgrown by vegetation, another motivation for getting through the program as quickly as possible.

It had been the hardest, longest eight weeks of his entire life. The program had forced Garfield to admit that his drug habit had long developed into a drug problem. After the events that had transpired at the beginning of the summer, his parents had had enough and offered him an ultimatum: enter an eight week drug rehabilitation program or they'd stop paying for his school and disown him completely. It had seemed unreasonably harsh at the moment, but it was just the wakeup call he needed.

This was his first morning back home since completing the program. He felt completely refreshed. He was looking forward to the future and dedicating himself to his sobriety. He entered his house to the smell of breakfast being made.

"Something smells good." He panted entering the kitchen.

His mother Rita smiled at him, placing the last of the pancakes on the plate in front of him. "Granola pancakes, your favorite."

She kissed him on the cheek as he prepared to devour the stack in front of him. He took one bite and swooned.

"Hmm, I missed your cooking so much. The food at the clinic sucked."

"Garfield, language." His father Steve warned entering the kitchen and taking a seat with his wife and son.

Garfield suppressed an eye roll. Him and Steve had never been what one would call "close", but ever since his drug problem it had been like living in enemy territory. The tension didn't seem to assuage when he returned home. They continued their breakfast in silence.

"Oh, Garfield" Rita piped in "Your class enrollment was scheduled while you were-away so I took the liberty of signing you up for your fall classes."

Garfield looked over the list of classes. "Statistics, Financial Reporting, Principles of Management, Intro to Operations Management…I don't know about this. I know I'm declared already but accounting is such a bore. I was actually thinking about changing my major."

"Oh." Rita said surprised. She glanced nervously at Steve. "What were you thinking about? Finance? Economics?"

"Actually," Garfield said stirring the remaining syrup on his plate with his fork "I was thinking about maybe getting into animal science."

The table was quieter than a graveyard. The look in Steve's eyes was expected but very annoyed. He looked from Garfield back to his newspaper.

"Garfield we talked about this. If we're going to continue to pay for your education you have to live under certain terms-"

"I don't remember choosing my major for me was part of the deal." It came out angrier than he intended.

"Garfield calm down."

Garfield took a deep breath and counted backwards from ten. That was something they had taught him at the clinic.

"Look, I'm trying here. I'm following your rules. I'm living at home instead of on campus and I'm staying sober. I just need something that is mine."

Steven sighed dejectedly. "I don't want to talk about this right now."

"But-"

"We can discuss it later." The room fell into another long, awkward silence. "Speaking of living under our terms, have you found a meeting to go to?"

Garfield shrugged sheepishly. "I will I just-"

It was Steve's turn to sound angry. "Garfield that was a big, huge stipulation, not just for living with us but with the DA's office. You are supposed to attend a meeting every week."

"I know." Garfield sighed. "I'm going. I am. I'm serious about staying clean."

"You better be." Steve said pushing his chair back. "Get to a meeting. And that's an order."

* * *

Narcotics Anonymous was nothing like Garfield expected. It was held in a hot church basement. There were rows of chairs and a modest podium at the front of the room. In the back there was a table with a shuttle of coffee and a stack of Styrofoam cups. There were about a dozen and a half people there. No one really talked to each other. They just quietly assembled in.

Garfield fixed himself a cup of coffee just to give himself something to do. A tall girl with dark skin strode confidently into the room. She smiled pleasantly at some of the members and even greeted a few before making her way to the podium.

"Hi everyone," she said capturing the attention of the room. "I see some new faces so for those of you who don't know my name is Karen and I will be facilitating this meeting. We'll be getting started in just a minute so-"

She was suddenly interrupted by the heavy doors swinging open. A petite woman hurried in. She looked young, close to Garfield's age. Garfield did an actual double take when he saw her. She was wearing a thin sweater and long pants, even though it was hot outside. Her long, dark hair hung around her pale face. She kept her head down as she stepped further into the room.

When the Karen one caught sight of the mysterious woman she smiled before continuing. They seemed to know each other. The woman wrapped her arms around her chest and she slid into the seat in front of Garfield. Five minutes later the rest of the room settled into their seats and the meeting began.

"Good evening and welcome." Karen said beginning the official greeting. "I'm happy to see everyone who is here tonight. Before we begin I'd like to go some ground rules. This is Narcotics Anonymous which means this meeting is anonymous. What is said to members here tonight is in confidence so please keep it in this room. Tonight we'll be sharing our stories about our recovery so please feel free if you want, but this is a judgment free zone. I'll start. My name is Karen and I'm an addict. I have been clean for four years now." She paused to allow the room to clap for a moment."

Karen spent ten minutes talking generally about her recovery in the past month. Others that shared were more specific. It was inspiring hearing everyone's stories, and it gave him hope for himself. He wanted to share, but still felt too nervous.

"Thank you to everyone who shared." Karen said in closing. "We understand that recovery is a process and every step you take is an accomplishment. To celebrate those accomplishments we award sobriety coins. Is there anyone celebrating one month of sobriety?"

A few people stood up and received their coins while the rest of the group clapped.

"Two months of sobriety?" Garfield looked around nervously and slowly made his way to the podium. The applause was lost on him as he felt his heart pounding. He carefully observed the coin. It was dark gold with the number two in a triangle. It read "To thine own self be true. Unity service recovery." He smiled a thanks before returning to his seat.

He caught sight of the woman looking at him briefly while he returned to his seat. Her dark violet eyes were almost startling. He had never seen eyes that colored before.

"If anyone needs me to sign a probation card I'll be here. We encourage you to get to know other members, get their phone numbers for support or if you need help finding a sponsor, but in the spirit of anonymity please keep all contact information private. Peace be with you, and hopefully I'll see you all here next week." Karen finished.

Garfield went up to get his probation card signed. Karen was nice about it and seemed to not judge. She encouraged him to get a contact number and sponsor since he was new to the program.

He felt awkward about it. Everyone seemed to know everyone already. He noticed the mysterious woman standing by herself in the back. His friendly disposition told him to go make small talk.

"Hey," He said pleasantly. She seemed startled. "Sorry I didn't mean to scare you. My name is- wait this is anonymous right? Is it like a rule or something that I can't tell you my name? Well, anyways I'm new here to the program and Karen recommended that I get someone's number in case I need support or something, but uh everyone else seems… I don't know really old or something. I'm sorry am I talking too much. I talk too much when I get nervous and I get nervous when I meet new people."

His subconscious was telling him to shut the hell up, but his mouth wouldn't listen. No one said anything for a long moment, and then suddenly the loud sound of a phone vibrating broke the tension.

The woman scrambled to pull the phone out of her pocket. She glanced at the number.

"I have to take this." She said quickly exiting.

Garfield sighed dejectedly. He resolved to get someone's number next week. Karen stopped him as he was about to leave.

"Hey, I saw you talking to Raven." She said.

"I thought this was supposed to be anonymous." He replied.

She looked around before bringing her voice to just above a whisper. "It is mostly. It's just…I'm Raven's sponsor and I've been trying to get her to connect with some other people for a while now. I think it would good for her to have support from someone close to her age."

"That's what I was thinking." Garfield said. "But she doesn't seem interested."

Karen looped her arm around him and began to drag him towards the door. "C'mon at least let me introduce you two."

It was now dark outside and the street was empty save for a few passing cars and stragglers from the meeting. The woman, Raven, could be heard talking to someone on her phone.

"…I know it's just….I know, I understand, but I've been doing a lot better so I thought we could at least talk about it…Okay, I know…I know…" she sighed. "Okay…yeah, it's fine…I'll talk to you later. Bye."

When it sounded as though the conversation had sufficiently ended Karen cleared her throat to make her presence known. Raven started slightly.

"Hey, I wanted to introduce you to someone if you don't mind."

Raven looked surprised again. She looked between Karen and Garfield. "Sure." She said finally.

"Raven this is Garfield. I don't think you guys had a chance to be properly introduced."

"Hi again. Garfield. Garfield Logan." He stuck his hand out for a shake.

Raven eyes his hand suspiciously before slowly reciprocating the act. "Raven. Roth."

They shook hands awkwardly. Then more silence. Karen stared at them anxiously waiting for something to happen. When nothing did she intervened.

"I know you've been having trouble connecting with people in the group and I thought since Garfield is new you two could support each other." Karen explained.

The look on Raven's face didn't think that sounded like a great idea.

"It's just a phone number." Karen reminded her. "It's like if either of you feels the urge to use and you can't contact your sponsor you contact each other." She clarified to Garfield.

"Oh, that's a cool idea." He wasn't sure what he should say about something like that. "If you're not down with that plan it's totally cool. I can find someone else."

Raven hesitated. She looked towards Karen who aggressively encouraging her by nodding. She sighed.

"Yeah, sure I guess." She said finally.

Garfield couldn't help but smile. "Really? That's great."

He took out their cellphones and quickly exchanged numbers. Karen then wished them both a good night and departed. Raven and Garfield were left awkwardly alone.

"Uh, so are you…headed home?" Garfield asked.

"Yes. I'm just waiting for the next train." She answered.

"Do you live far from here?"

She shook her head, and was staring somewhere past him. "No, not really."

"Well, I can drive you-"

"No!" She declined abruptly. Garfield seemed taken aback. "I just don't want to trouble you is all."

"I…don't want to trouble you is all."

Garfield got the feeling that Raven wasn't comfortable around him, not that she was trying all that hard to hide it.

"Oh, alright then." He said giving an out to the conversation. "I guess I'll see you around then."

"Okay." She said simply.

"And you don't mind if I give you a call sometime?" She gave him a questioning look. "I mean until I can find a sponsor."

"Sure." She said simply.

Garfield watched as Raven walked down the empty street and out of sight. He sighed dejectedly and walked to back church parking lot and revved up his twelve year old Honda Civic. He was lucky his parents didn't confiscate as term to his reformation agreement. He drove a little ways down the street when he caught sight of Raven again. Her hands were stuffed deep into the pockets of her sweatshirt and she was walking fairly quickly. She crossed the street and disappeared into the subway entrance. Garfield didn't know what it was about her that he found so interesting about her. He wanted to know what her story was, but he had the feeling he would never know. Even if he did have an urge to use (which he didn't think he would), he doubted he would be giving Raven a call, and it wasn't like his parents were going to be much help.

He sighed. Looks he was going to be doing this sobriety thing solo.

* * *

Here's the deal. I just graduated and writing takes my mind off the anxiety of the adult world. I'm not having any luck with the next chapter of _Blue Bloods _and this kind of just came to me.

Big fat trigger warning, this story is going to get intense. Yey be warned.


	2. Chapter 2

Nine days had passed since Garfield had attended his first NA meeting. So far everything was going really well, he had craving but only minor ones. He was usually able to get rid of the temptation to use by going for run. It was working for him. He went to another meeting the next week. Raven had been there but they didn't speak to each other this time, and he had yet to find a sponsor.

Garfield decided that what he needed was to start living a normal life again. The counselors at the clinic had advised that sobriety didn't mean they couldn't normal lives. His close friend Victor Stone had invited him to a cookout at his father's beach house. Knowing they wouldn't approve he told his parents that was meeting with his school advisor.

The house was absolutely stunning. It looked like it had been plucked out of Cape Cod post card. Victor was signing a delivery for a keg when Garfield pulled into the driveway.

"Hey man," His friendly, booming voice said clapping Gar on the back. "Long time no see. How are you doing?"

"Me? I'm great." He answered still in awe of the gorgeous beach house Vic had been living in unsupervised all summer.

Vic voice became suddenly serious. "No really though. How are you?"

Victor had been one the few people that knew what actually happened to Garfield this summer. Victor had been one of Gar's closest friend since the moment he had stepped foot onto the campus at Jump City University. Unlike some of the shadier character Gar had aligned himself with the past year and a half, Vic had always had a good head on his shoulder, and not that Garfield had listened tried to warn him about the caustic path he was on. He was a true friend.

"I'm good, really." Vic gave him a critical look. "I'm not kidding. I haven't even thought about taking kicker since I got out. Okay, maybe I've thought about it, but I'm not going to do it. I'm done screwing up my life."

Victor and Garfield began to make their way to the back of the house onto the beach where the sun was setting.

"How did the trial go? I didn't hear about anything after you got caught." He asked.

Garfield shrugged slightly. "My dad worked things out with the district attorney. I got off really easy. Like I'm lucky I'm in prison right now. But enough about me. We don't need to talking about my problems and brining everyone down. This night is about you, graduate."

Victor had graduated with a degree in Mechanical Engineering. He was set to start as an Information Security Analyst at a startup firm in the fall. It almost made Gar glad he wasn't living on campus this year. Without his closest friend he didn't know how he was going to make it through.

* * *

The party kicked off soon after Garfield arrived. More guests arrived and Victor fired up the grill. At the beginning Gar had been nervous about seeing some of his old friends, especially since this was the first time anyone had seen him since his episode, and there was no doubt that when it happened it had been a scandal among his peers, but as he saw a few familiar faces it was like nothing had ever happened.

His old friends Kory and Garth had even showed up. She squealed in delight and gave Gar a running hug.

"Oh friend I am most glad to see you and that you are well." She said enveloping him in her infamous death hugs.

"I'm…happy to see…you…too Kory." He said between gasps.

Kory was from a country that no one seemed able to pronounce. She was the definition of exotic, tall, tan, and gorgeous. Gar had met her freshman year in a Shakespearean literature class. For a person whose first language was not English, she understood Shakespeare better than any in the class.

"Please you will be returning to school in the fall yes?" She asked eagerly.

"Yeah, I'll be there. I'll be commuting but my much needed presence will be there to provide atmosphere to JCU in the fall." He said.

"Oh that is most wonderful news!" Kory said. Kory had a way of making everyone feel really good about themselves.

Garth handed Kory a solo cup of frothing beer. "Can I get you one Gar?"

Garfield suddenly felt awkward. The counselors recommended abstaining from alcohol for at least a year after completely the program to reduce the risk of replacing one addiction with another.

"Uh, no I'm good." He said holding up his soda can.

No one seemed deterred. Victor recommended that the small group take the party to the beach for a bond fire that he had prepared.

"So Gar how pissed were your folks when you told them you were changing your major?" Garth asked as the cruised across the cold sand.

Gar laughed. "Are you kidding, they're not going to go down without a fight."

"Are you joking? All you talked about last year was changing your major and how it was your destiny and blah blah blah."

They took a seat on log around the blazing fire. "I don't see what's so funny about it. This is all your fault. If you hadn't talked me into taking that marine biology class none of this would have ever happened. I would have just gone on to be an accountant and have a boring job that would make my parents very happy."

"Can you imagine you as accountant? I can't even picture it. _You_ wearing a suit every day and going into an office to do data entry. I would pay top dollar to see what that would look like."

"He'd be the only accountant with Lion King posters in his cubicle." Victor chimed in.

The whole group laughed. A few more people showed up and it ended up being a pretty relaxing night. Victor showed Kory how to bake clams on the fire, to which Gar settled on s'mores. Party goers alternated nondescriptly between the porch and the beach.

He felt ridiculous about having been so nervous in the beginning of the evening, which was until _he _showed up.

It was like a sudden darkness had descended upon his night. Roy Harper casually rolled up with patron and joined the party. He didn't acknowledge Gar or better yet what had happened between them earlier in the summer. He sat on the opposite side of the fire chatting it up with Kory. Garfield couldn't help but send glares his way. Roy ignored him for the most part, but every now and again would send a smug grin his way.

"So, Kory what's been going on with you lately? The last time I talked to you the dating thing wasn't going so well." Roy asked casually.

"Oh yes I have met the most wonderful man. We have just begun to see each other, but there is something very special about him." Kory excused herself to get a glass of wine leaving Gar, to his dismay, alone with Roy.

No one said a word. The fire was the only thing separating them and the perpetual elephant in the room. After a long moment of silence Roy took a seat next to Gar.

He leaned in close to him to talk. "I guess now's as good a time as ever, but you and me have things to talk about."

Garfield snorted. "Like how you almost ruined my life? Yeah no thanks."

Roy chuckled. "Gar I didn't almost ruin your life, you almost ruined your life. I'm just a business man. I provide a product that customers use. Restrictions apply results may vary."

Garfield stood up preparing to leave. "Whatever helps you sleep at night."

Roy grabbed Gar by the sleeve and yanked him back down. His blue eyes were blazing. "We all make chooses and you made yours. I didn't hear you complaining about me or what do before. You got caught and now you're looking for someone to blame."

"If you have something to say just get on with it." Gar said annoyed.

Roy stared at him for a moment. "I just figured after all the good times I provided you with you owe it to me to let me know if there's anything I should be looking out for."

"I don't owe you shit."

Roy relented. He wasn't used to being the one in the vulnerable position. "Okay. Okay. I know the police are cracking down hard. A few guys I know got caught in a bust and I just want to know if my name came up in any conversations that may have occurred between you and the DA."

"I didn't narc on you if that's what you're asking."

Roy seemed relieved. He put an arm around Gar's shoulder. "Of course you didn't." He said slipped something into the front pocket of his shirt. "And I appreciate that."

Roy stood up. Garfield pulled a small plastic bag with four familiar small, white pills in it. Garfield's heart almost stopped beating.

"I don't want these." He said handing the bag back to Roy.

"Sure you do." He said turning to walk back to the house. "Let me know if you need anymore. I think you earned yourself a discount."

With that he walked away. Gar stared at the bag before stuffing into the depths of his pants pockets. His self-preservation kicked in and he decided to flush them immediately. He fast walked off the beach. He entered the kitchen and stopped in his tracks when he saw her.

His ex-girlfriend, Tara was standing by the fridge talking to Kory. The blearing music became silent and everything around his ceased to exist besides her. It all came flooding- crashing back to him in a nauseating sea of emotions. The anger, betrayal, heartache, and love swirled around him all at once. She caught sight of him and seemed startled to see him. She recovered quickly and offered him a smile and a wave. She began to make her way over to him, weaving through a throng of people. In a panic Garfield fled.

"Where are you going?" Victor said concerned seeing Gar making a panicked beeline for the front door.

"Nothing, I'm just... I need to get out of here. It was great seeing you, we should all get together again soon." It all came out in on hurried breath.

His hands were literally shaking as he got in his car and drove out of Victor's driveway. His breathing was harsh. It was unbelievable how anxious he felt. His heart was racing as he pulled up to a red light. He tapped his steering wheel impatiently. He wanted nothing more than to get rid of the anxiousness and feel normal. When his hand ran down his pant leg across the pills in his pocket he realized he was having cravings. He had had cravings before but never this strong before. Maybe it was the stress of seeing his former dealing and the woman who tore out his heart and shoved it through a wood chipper within a ten minute duration.

"Shit! Shit! Shit!" He cursed to himself.

* * *

Raven was startled awake up to the sound of knocking at her door. She had fallen asleep reading _The Castle of Wolfenbach _by Eliza Parsons. It was completely dark except for the small clock of on her bedside table that read 8:51. She inhaled before tossing the blanket off of her body and answering the knock at her door. The light from the hallway that shone through the tiny crack in the door nearly blinded her.

It was Lydia, for housemate. "You left your yoga mat in the front hall."

Raven took the dark purple mat and thanked Lydia before shutting her door. She turned on the light and examined the spotless room. She hated how much it reminded her of the room she stayed in during rehab. It completely lacked personal furnishings. She reminded herself that this living situation was only temporary.

She threw her yoga mat into the closet and sat on her bed. It had been a very uneventful day. She went to work at her job at designer consignment store and finished the night with a yoga class. She suddenly heard the sound of her phone vibrating. To her confusion Garfield was calling her. She hesitated before answering.

"Hello?"

"Hey, I'm glad you picked up. It's Garfield Logan we met at the meeting?"

"Oh yeah-"

"Can we talk or is this a bad time?"

"Uh," She remember about Karen was always saying about building bridges and all that nonsense. "No I can talk. What's…what's going on?"

"Well I haven't found a sponsor yet and I'm freaking the fuck out."

Raven sighed. She had to remind herself not to sound annoyed, but dealing with people was not a strong talent of hers. "Okay."

"So I was out and I saw my ex-girlfriend and I-well I didn't actually talk to her but not I'm all anxious and it makes me want to use again."

She took a deep breath, not really sure what to do. "Well that's not good. Where are you now?"

"I left. I'm heading back to the city."

"Okay that's good. You'll just have to ride it out. What do you usually do when you have cravings?" She asked.

"I go for a run." He replied.

"Well then just do that."

She heard him groan. "I don't think that's going to work this time. I think I need to talk it out. Do you think I could meet you somewhere?" Raven didn't answer. "Please I really need someone. I promise I'll get a sponsor this week and never bother you again."

Raven held the phone away from her mouth and took a deep breath. "Grant me the serenity…alright." She said into the receiver. "Do you nowhere the Route Diner is?"

"Yes."

"Meet me there in twenty minutes."

"Thank you! Thank you so much!"

Raven hung up immediately regretting her decision to do this. She pulled her shoes on and headed to the diner around the corner from her house. She ordered a cup of tea while she waited. Finally a very frazzled looking Garfield arrived. He practically fell into the booth across from her.

"Oh my God" he gasped. "Thank you…so…for this." He was speaking between pants.

"Yeah, well" Raven said. "You're lucky that I believe in karma."

No one said anything while Gar caught his breath. The waitress came by and poured Garfield a cup of coffee.

"Can I get you two anything else?"

"No." Raven said.

Gar looked at her incredulously. "Are you kidding me? You came to the Route Diner, and you're going to leave without getting a slice of their apple pie with salted caramel? Two slices of the apple pie with salted caramel."

The waitress took their order and came back a few minutes later with the pie. Garfield stuck his fork into the apple and suddenly felt depressed.

Raven seemed to sense this. "What's wrong?"

He shrugged. "I just remembered this is the place where my ex and I had our first date. That's why I remember the pie."

"The one you just saw?"

He nodded. "Now what?"

She looked confused. "What do you mean 'now what'?"

"I called you. I want to use. Aren't you supposed to say something or something?"

Raven stared at the untouched pie in front of her. "I don't know I'm not a sponsor."

"Well what would your sponsor say?"

If Raven had to be honest with herself she had called Karen more than once when she was having cravings. "I guess she would ask me how would feel if I used."

Garfield thought about it. "I don't know. Good I guess. Like relaxed. Like none of my problems mattered anymore."

"And how long would that last?"

He shrugged. "A few hours I guess."

"And how would you feel after that?"

"What like emotionally." She nodded. "Well, I'd feel really bad about myself and guilty for doing it when I know it was hurting my parents and stuff."

Garfield had spent a lot of time thinking about why he used when he did. He always felt like shit afterwards. Sometimes he would do it knowing he would feel awful about it right after. They sat in silence for a long time. Garfield picked at his slice of pie. Raven didn't even pretend to touch hers.

"So," He said unable to take any more of the awkward silence. "What's your story?"

"My story?"

"Like what brought you to NA?" Raven's pale face seemed to get paler. "I'm sorry was that too personal?"

She shrugged tightly. "Some things went wrong in my life, I didn't handle it well, I started doing drugs and then I stopped. The end."

Garfield stared at her. "Wow. That was…vague."

"Like you said" she replied hotly. "It's personal."

He looked at her. "It's nothing to be ashamed of. Everybody makes mistakes-"

"I didn't say it I was ashamed. I said it was personal." She hissed.

Garfield was unaffected. "I'll tell you what happened to me." He offered.

"I don't care" She said.

"C'mon it'll make you feel better."

"I doubt that."

Despite her guardedness Garfield could tell that Raven seemed sad. She had done him a huge solid by coming down there to meet him, a perfect stranger. He didn't mean to upset her. Garfield had meet a lot of people in rehab, but according to his own standard no one had a more shameful descent than he did.

He sighed. "Okay I won't tell you the specifics, I don't think it would interest you anyways. So I started doing oxy about a year ago and a half ago. It's your run of the mill drug story. Addiction took control of my life I ended up almost failing out of school, blowing off my friends to hang around some burns outs, and stealing from my parents. After things got to their worst my parents forced me to go rehab which turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. And now I've been clean for two months."

Raven's face softened, very slightly. She seemed contemplative. She opened her mouth to say something when-

"Raven is that you?" a brown haired teenage girl appeared at their table. "It's me Danielle."

Raven seemed uncomfortable." Danielle hi. How are you?"

This Danielle girl seemed much more excited to see Raven than Raven seemed to see her.

"I can't believe it's really you. It's been so long."

Raven didn't respond. Danielle seemed to be picking up on her discomfort. "Angela's in the bathroom, I'll go get her-"

Raven's mouth dropped open. "No, no don't do that."

Her pleading fell on deaf ears as she excitedly ran off.

"We have to leave. Now." Raven growled gathering up her things.

"What?"

"I…we just have to go now.". She threw enough money to pay for their drinks and pie and tip the waitress on the table.

"All of this because you don't want to say hi. Raven, don't you think that's a little antisocial."

"Please." She sounded desperate. "If you leave with me now I'll tell you why I started the program."

It wasn't really the promise of confiding in him, but the look of pure desperation on her face that convinced Gar to comply.

"Ok." He said sliding out of booth.

He followed Raven out the door and as she began to fast walk down the street. He waited until they were half a block to begin talking again.

"Rae, you're really hauling ass."

"My name's not Rae." She said.

He grabbed her by the arm stopping her in her tracks. She jumped slightly. Garfield let go of her. "Okay spill. Now who was that."

Raven sighed. She stared somewhere past him as if to make sure the cost was clear. She turned around and began walking again, slower this time.

Where to even begin? "That was my stepsister."

"Oh." Garfield was surprised. "I take it you guys aren't close."

She shrugged. "I've only met her a few times and it was years ago. I can't even believe she still recognizes me."

"Any special reason you're avoiding her?"

She shook her head. "It's not her I was avoiding, it was my mother."

"Your mother? But why?" He said perplexed. She sighed, but didn't say anything. "You promised if we left you'd tell me." Still nothing. "Okay I can turn around right now and ask Danielle what's the deal."

She rolled her eyes. "My mother…my mother and I have issues. Obviously we're not close."

They walked in silence. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"Whatever." She said simply.

She knew Garfield was silently wanting to ask her about her drug problem like she'd promised, but after the mini family reunion he'd just witnessed he was much too polite to ask.

"Thanks for you know leaving." She said.

He smiled. "Sure. Anytime."

They walked back to her place in silence.

"Well here we are." She said when they arrived in front of the humble two story house.

"Thanks again for meeting me when you didn't have to. I really appreciate it. I'm sorry our pie was cut short."

"It's okay" she said "my curfew is at eleven anyways."

He laughed. "You're like what twenty-four and you have a curfew."

He meant it as a joke but Raven didn't seem amused. "I'm twenty-one and I live in a sobriety house, so yes I have a curfew."

Garfield frowned. "You live in a sobriety house?"

Raven stared at the mostly dark house. "I needed somewhere to live after I got out of rehab."

"Which was when exactly?" He said coyly.

She groaned. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Raven-"

"I have to get going. Maybe I'll tell you about it later. Goodnight. "

He relented as he watched he walk up the front steps.

"I'm going to hold you to that." He said.

He really meant that.


	3. Author's Note

Hey,

I am just letting anyone has been interested in this story that I will be deleting it within 48 hours. I am personally not satisfied with the first two chapters and will be altering them. I will repost the story when I have updated the first few chapters. If anyone did enjoy this version I will move these chapters to my compilation story "Unwritten". I am working on the new chapters rights now and I hope that they will be published soon.

Chittychittybangbang16


	4. Chapter 3

Every day that Raven woke up alone residing in a sober house with ten other people, she was reminded of the mistakes that she had made that put her in this position. Every day was reminded that she had no one to blame but herself.

She sighed. It was still early, so she hopped in the shower before things started to get busy as everyone started to wake up. When she returned she saw she had a missed call and a voicemail from Dick Grayson. Dick Grayson was by far her closest friend. In fact he was pretty much the only friend she'd ever had. He left a voicemail asking to meet her for coffee. She texted him back immediately and made arrangements to meet later that morning.

Raven felt nervous about meeting with him, for reasons she could not explain. They had known each other practically their entire lives, and Dick was one of the only people who had visited her in rehab. Her addiction had put a strain on their relationship like never before. They saw much less of each other than they used to though they still called and texted on a pretty regular basis.

He seemed to be in a good mood when she arrived.

"Hey," he said giving her a terse hug and offering her a seat across from him. "I thought you'd be hungry so I got you a sandwich."

This was Dick's way of tricking Raven into eating. She had always been thin, but she had lost a lot of weight in rehab, much to Dick's concern. She picked at it, using her fork to nibble on a piece of tomato.

"How have you been?" He asked. "You look good."

Raven shrugged. "I'm fine. How are you doing? How's the new job going?"

Dick had attended the police academy right out of college. His year of training had ended and he started working for the Jump City P.D.

Dick leaned back in his chair and shrugged. "It's…going okay. I guess."

If they had anything in common it was vagueness.

They asked the normal question and gave each other general updates of the going ons of their individual lives. It was odd for them. They used to be thick as thieves and knew just about everything there was to know about each other. Well, maybe not everything.

Raven hesitated. "I ran into Danielle last night."

"Oh," he sounded surprised "how did that go?"

Raven didn't answer. She glanced out the window and sighed.

"Was your mother there?" He asked.

"She was but I didn't see her."

"Are you okay?"

She nodded. Dick knew better than anyone the complicated relationship Raven had with her mother. He could tell she didn't really want to talk about it. Raven finished off her sandwich under Dick's careful supervision. After a moment he reached forward and stroked a piece of her still slight damp hair. The corners of his mouth turned into a smile.

He realized they were having a good moment. They had had so few of them the past year, the past couple of years actually. Addiction, resentment, impatience, and frustration had rocked their relationship. It felt good for things to feel normal just for a moment.

Dick invited Raven back to his place. Something about having some of her things there that she might want to pick up, but she knew what it really meant. Still she accepted without hesitation. On the walk over there he held her hand and ran his fingers through her hair. She didn't usually like affection at all, but so many of her recent days were spent completely alone. She missed her friend and it made her feel like the way the used to be.

"I missed you" he told her.

They arrived at his shamefully under furnished apartment. Raven only had a moment to take in the stacks of unopened boxes before Dick wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close to him. He gently pushed her against the door and brought his mouth to hers.

"Do you want to?" He whispered against her mouth running his hands along her waist.

"Yes" she lied.

He brought her over to the couch and slid her shirt up. His hands slipped underneath her shirt as he kissed her neck. Her breathing hitched. The foreplay didn't last long, before she knew it his pants were at his waist. He asked her if she was ready to which she nodded. She watched him slip on a condom before entering her. Her fingers gripped his biceps.

Raven felt much too insecure to engage in the act. She tried to hide the numerous scars on her wrists, scars he had already seen a thousand times. Whenever Raven and Dick hooked up he would take time during to tell her was beautiful, not that she ever believed him. She felt the darkness start of bubble inside of her. She forced it back.

"Are you okay?" He always asked her that when they were finished.

"Sure" she said drawing tiny circles on his chin with her index finger.

She kissed him chastely. Raven was glad to put all of her clothes back on. She didn't like sex and always felt extremely vulnerable afterwards. Dick was mostly quiet. He was sweet enough, he would squeeze her shoulder reassuringly, but he had trouble remaining intimate. This was by no means the first time they had, had sex. They had been sporadically hooking up for years.

Raven excused herself to the bathroom while Dick went to check his emails. She splashed cold water on her face, when she started to feel the familiar sense of disgust and shame bubble inside of her. Her finger tightly gripped the faucet.

Raven found that she didn't usually have urges to use unless something triggered her, which was quite often at first. She closed her eyes and took deep breaths. Her hands were shaking, and she looked down at her wrists. She hadn't cut herself in years. When she started doing drugs she found she didn't need to. Within the past couple of months she had felt to urge to self-harm for the first time in a long time. She resisted with much difficulty. She feared that if she couldn't overcome this demon, then it was only a matter of time before she fell back into the other one.

Without thinking Raven leaned over the toilet and forced her middle finger down her throat until the small amount of lunch she had had came up. She had been doing this on and off since she was a teenager, but found herself doing it more often lately. It was only when she was feeling overwhelmed, she told herself. Plus it was a better way of coping than doing drugs or slashing her wrists. Somehow that didn't stop her from feeling any less disgusted with herself and guilty.

A knock at the door startled her.

"Raven?" Dick's voice sounded worried, borderline panicked. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine" she replied.

Raven shut the water off and realized she had been in the bathroom a little bit too long. She opened the door to find Dick waiting for her. She knew that he, even if it was for just a moment, thought that she was in there getting high. She couldn't blame him, but that didn't stop it from annoying her.

Dick offered to walk her home which she accepted. They walked mostly in silence. Dick told her a little bit more about his police training. She listened and responded when appropriate. They stopped walking suddenly and Dick reached up to push a piece of hair behind her ear when, a voice calling his name broke him from his reverie. Dick's face went from placid to horror in a nanosecond. Raven turned to the source of the voice. It was a tall, red haired woman who was by all standards of measure gorgeous. Raven watched almost transfixed as she made her way from the other side of the street to them. Dick's hand fell to his side.

"Kory, hey," he said his voice was apprehensive.

Kory smiled widely at him and glanced briefly at Raven. Her big, green eyes held no unkindness but perhaps a little bit of suspicion.

"Richard, how are you? We haven't spoken in a few days" she said.

He nodded. "I know. I'm sorry I've been meaning to call you but I've just been…busy."

A tense moment passed between the three of them.

"Kory, this is Raven she's my…we go way back" Dick said reluctantly introducing them. "Kory and I have kind of been seeing each other."

Raven looked surprised for a second. She had definitely never heard of this woman before.

"Oh...that's…it's… nice to meet you," she said anyways.

Kory nodded "Likewise."

There was another awkward moment. Raven finally couldn't take anymore. "Well, I really should get going."

"Do you want me to walk with you the rest of the way?" Dick asked.

"No, it's just a couple blocks from here. I'll talk to you later."

She left without another word. Raven went from shock to hurt to angry all by the time she made it half way up the block. She didn't know why she was so upset, he could date whoever he wanted to. It wasn't like she owned him or anything. But still he could've at least mentioned to her, preferably sometime _before_ hopping into bed with her. She couldn't help but feel used: an all too familiar feeling.

Raven tried to forget about it and focus on her work, but the feeling hadn't diminished much. Dick had called her during her break attempting to explain himself.

"_Are you mad?" _

"_No," Raven said but couldn't keep the slight resentment out of her tone. _

"_You sound mad...We talked about this."_

"_I'm not mad…it's just you could've at least told me you were seeing someone before" she sighed. "It just kind of feels like you used me." _

They left it at that. It was slow at the print store today. Raven usually spent her free time reading, but felt completely distracted. She wished she had called Karen during her break instead of Dick. She tiredly rubbed her eyes ready for the day to end already, when the bell rang indicating a customer.

When she looked up her heart almost stopped. Raven slid down in her seat behind the printing station slightly. Danielle and Angela didn't seem to notice her at first, they were too busy examining some printers at the front of the store.

_Seriously twice under twenty-four hours! What are they stalking me?_

Raven couldn't help but feel a bubble of anger rise in her as she transfixed watched Angela and Danielle at the front of the store. Danielle said something to which they both laughed, a private moment between girl and stepmother. Raven wasn't sure why it made her so angry. She had to get out of there before they …

"Raven?" Angela's voice sounded surprised.

Raven looked up to face Angela. Her features looked shocked, but she quickly recovered and smiled warmly and action that went unreciprocated.

"Angela." Raven said evenly. "What are you doing here?"

"I…Danielle needed to copy some posters for a school project" she said still a little stunned.

There was some kind of flyer in her hand, which she robotically handed to Raven. Raven and Angela had literally not seen each other in years, not that they had seen much of each other before that. Raven still hadn't forgotten about the last time they did speak to each other, how badly it had ended.

Raven took the flyer from Angela. "How many?"

"Uh, twenty."

"In color?"

Angela nodded. Without a word Raven went over to the printer and started it up anxious to put an end to this interaction as quickly as possible. Angela watched Raven attempt to ignore her as much as possible.

"Raven, it's been so long" she said.

Raven nodded slightly. "Six years" she said tersely jamming the flyer into the copier.

They said nothing while the industrial printer roared to life and shot out twenty copies of the flyer. Raven shoved them into a paper bag and went back to the station. Angela took a good look at her daughter, God she looked so much like her.

"D-Danielle said she saw you at the restaurant last night, but by the time I got to your table you were gone. I've been thinking a lot about you lately and I thought I should call you but…it's been a long time since we've seen each other. I don't know your number or where you live now-"

"You don't know anything about me" Raven said coldly_. Does she really not remember the last thing I said to her?_

She couldn't help it. The anger just spewed out like poison. She couldn't pretend that didn't harbor all this anger. The resentment was so intense she could barely stand it. Raven honestly never thought she would ever see her mother again. When she was a child she used to have fantasies about what it would be like to see her mother again. Delusions about having a relationship and her heart being filled a mother's love. Stupid girl. She vowed to never subject herself to that kind of disappointment ever again.

Angela sighed. "Raven, I-"

"That'll be nine- eighteen" Raven said cutting her off.

Angela stared at her, sadness in her eyes. She sighed again before fishing a ten dollar bill from her purse. Raven handed Angela her change.

"Raven I was thinking that you and I could-"

"Thanks, have a great night" she said monotonously.

Before Angela could say another word Raven turned around and disappeared into the staff bathroom. She leaned against the door breathing heavily and her hands shaking.

This was the worst day ever.

* * *

"C'mon, c'mon" Raven whispered into her ringing phone.

As soon as her shift ended she got on the phone and called Karen.

Raven's anger at her mother quickly turned into an _urge_, need to use. Her heart was racing; it was all she could think about. Karen's number rang for a few times before going to voicemail. Raven was fast walking down the dark sidewalk as she punched Karen's number into her phone again. She had, had cravings before, intense ones, but today she felt like she really needed someone to talk her down and she couldn't call Dick, he would just get mad at her.

"Fuck," she cursed under her breath.

Her body started shaking now. In her frantic efforts to get passed Karen's voicemail, Raven rammed into someone on the sidewalk.

"Sorry," she said quickly getting ready to sprint to the safety of the sober house.

"Rae!" A sudden voice startled her. "Yo Raven!"

She looked up to see that guy from NA, Garfield, standing behind her, a broad smile lighting up his face. He was waving a brown paper bag

"Hey, Raven. I'm glad I caught you" he said. "I just knocked on the door, but they said you were out. Are you busy?"

"Kind of" she said breaking from her momentary shock.

He shrugged unaffected. "I'll make it quick is for you by the way" he said handing her the brown paper bag. "It's a thanks for helping me out last night. It's pie. It's from the diner since we didn't get to finish ours last night. I got blueberry in case you don't like apple."

She stared at the bag before accepting it.

Seeing her accept his peace offering as a good sign Garfield continued, "I just wanted to let you Karen hooked me up a sponsor this morning so I probably won't be bothering you too much anymore."

"Good," she said quietly looking away from him and staring onto the street.

Garfield was thrown. Not by her cold response, but something about her seemed off.

"Right" he said.

There was a long moment of silent. This wasn't going exactly the way Garfield had pictured it when he came up with the idea to surprise her this morning. He was getting the feeling that Raven was a lot more off putting than most people and definitely not much of a talker.

He shifted uncomfortably. "Are you okay?"

"Fine" she said distracted.

His eyes narrowed. "Are you sure? You seem…I don't know sad or something."

"I'm just having a bad day," she sighed.

She was talking more to herself than Garfield, which he understood. Garfield had a gift for picking up on people's moods. Maybe it was his magnetic abilities to understand animals.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He couldn't help but ask.

"No, I do not." Raven said.

There was a long moment of silence. The only sounds that filled between them were the cars driving by. Raven's fist clenched at her side and she could feel her heart begin to race again. She took a slow deep breath trying to will the urge out of her body. She needed to get out of there now.

"Are you-" Garfield began.

"Look I have to get going," she said abruptly.

With that she turned to leave.

"Wait," said stopping her in her tracks. "Let me at least walk you home."

"You don't have to do that."

He shrugged. "I know, but I want to."

Her eyes narrowed. "Why?"

Garfield looked down at his feet. He could tell Raven was struggling, and he honestly didn't want her to do something he knew she'd regret if someone wasn't there to stop her.

"I- I don't know. You really saved my butt last night and I kind of feel like I owe you." he said.

Raven stared at him blankly. It was very strange to her that some guy she just met and barely knew was genuinely trying to look out for her. Her entire life she had looked out for herself. She didn't trust him.

"It's fine. I don't live that far from here" she said.

Without another word Raven turned and began to walk away. Garfield followed right behind her.

"Raven, look" he began. "I can tell you're not in a good place right now and I know we just met and all but I know what it's like to go through it alone." She ignored him. "Is there at least someone you can call or something…you know for support?"

Raven stopped dead in her tracks. She didn't say anything for a painfully long time. Garfield became quite worried that he had crossed some sort of line. Finally Raven turned around to face him, her face devoid of any emotion.

"What do I need to do to get rid of you?"

A smile appeared on Garfield's face and he began to walk along side Raven.

"Easy just let me walk you to your front door, and then you never have to hear from me ever again."

Raven shook her head. "Whatever."

They walked in silence mostly. Every few minutes Garfield would ask her a trivial question about herself which she either answered with a curt response or ignored completely. They were a few blocks from her house. He had been debating all day whether or not he should even bother asking her, something he was curious about. He was curious about her, but she was definitely in a bad mood and he doubted she would tell him anyways.

Raven walked up the steps to the porch. To Garfield's surprise instead of going inside she fell into one of the wicker chairs on the porch. He took a seat across from her.

"Not going in?"

Raven sighed and shook her head. "No."

"That bad a day?"

"You have no idea" she said crossing her arms.

"Uh, Raven. Can I ask you something?" He said.

"I doubt I could stop you if I wanted to" Raven said.

Garfield hesitated and stared down at the ground. "Um, do you mind me asking why you go to NA?"

Raven looked surprised or maybe offended.

"You told me you'd tell me if we left the diner last night and then you never did" he explained.

Raven twisted a ring she had been wearing around her finger.

"I don't want to talk about it" she said. "It's not really that interesting anyways."

"C'mon I told you my story, it's only fair." Raven didn't say anything. "Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Pleeeeeeeeease?"

Raven flinched. "I really don't want to talk about it."

"It can't be that bad" he said. "You told me you would tell me what happened last night if we left."

Raven said nothing for a moment before sighing. "If I tell you will you stop harassing me about it?"

He nodded eagerly.

"Fine" she huffed. "I started going to NA so that I stay off of narcotics."

He waited with no response. "That's it? That's all I get. No, no. I told you my whole story you owe me a little more than that."

Raven pressed her lips together. "There's not much to tell. I first starting using because it just made me feel better, and then I got… so heavy into it. I didn't even get high anymore I had to use just to feel normal. I guess I didn't really give a shit what would happen to me I just…I don't know. So now I that I'm clean I go to NA to keep it that way."

It was much more information than Raven had expected to reveal. Raven was glad it was dark otherwise Garfield might have seen the pink in her cheeks. She had never really told that to anyone. She suddenly felt hot and her mouth dry.

"How did you get clean?"

Raven leaned back in her chair. "I went to rehab."

"Oh" he said. "Thanks for sharing."

Raven snorted. "Is that some kind of NA joke?"

He smiled. "No, I meant it. You know I just got out of rehab, so I get it. I did an eight week program. You?"

"Twelve" she said.

"Twelve," he said incredulously. "That's hardcore."

Raven shrugged. "Yeah well…that's what happens when you get really out of control," she said.

"You know I haven't really been clean for all that long, like only two months, but I thought…I don't know when I started my program that by the end of the summer I wouldn't ever want to touch oxy again. Which I don't but I still think about getting high like all the time. You know what I mean?"

Raven nodded. "I do."

"I can't even talk about it with my parents, they wouldn't understand. My father…well he would just get mad and my mom would just worry. I feel like I don't have anyone who really knows what I'm going through."

"At least you have parents that care," Raven said.

Garfield eyebrows furrowed. "Raven, are things really that bad between you and your mom? You ran out of that diner yesterday like it was one fire."

Raven rubbed eyes with her thumb and index finger. "It's complicated."

"Complicated how?"

"It just is," she said sharply. Her voice softened seeing how taken aback Garfield looked. "Look Angela isn't really my mother. I don't even really know her."

"So…" he started carefully. "Were you like adopted or is she like an evil stepmother or something like that?"

"No, nothing like that," Raven said.

"Then what?"

Raven shifted uncomfortably, "You're very nosy."

Garfield laughed. "So I've been told. It's just nice getting to know someone who's kind of been through the same stuff as me I guess."

Raven didn't say anything; instead she turned her gaze towards the street. They watched the cars pass by in a comfortable silence. Finally Raven stood up.

"Look I'm pretty tired and it's been a long day so if you don't mind-"

"Oh, of course not."

Raven turned towards the door.

"Hey, you know. It was kind of nice having someone to talk to. If you need anything or just want to talk I'll be around."

Raven stared at him for a moment. "Uh, thanks. Goodnight."

Raven disappeared into the house. She made it into her room and flopped down on her bed when her phone began to vibrate.

"Yes," she said without even checking caller id. "Oh hi, Karen…No, it's fine, I'm fine…I was but I'm okay now…yeah, I'll talk to you later."

Raven stared at her dark ceiling. She felt awkward about her conversation with Garfield. She revealed too much she realized, and to someone she barely knew! If she had to be honest with herself it felt good getting to talk to someone who was going through the same things as her. It wasn't like she could to Dick about it. Definitely not her mother, and she didn't have any other friends. For the last two years heroin had been her best friend, lover, and soul mate.

Talking to him _did_ make her forget about wanting to use.

She sighed and traced her finger up a vein in her arm. She remembered when she couldn't even find veins and her arms were covered in track marks. Even then she didn't consider herself an addict. It wasn't until her first night in rehab and she literally thought she would die if she didn't get high. She was up all night shaking, sweating, freezing, and vomiting to point of dehydration while detoxing and it was at that moment she could no longer deny it.

Raven regretted the day she ever decided to do drugs, and she vowed to never ever put another one into her body again. It wasn't easy. Every single day she felt an aching and sometimes she it kept her up at night. Yes, the physical need was bad but the emotional need was much worse. She worried about what would happen when things got too much for her, how she would handle it. That's how she got herself addicted to in the first place. Every day was another uncertainty, and she wondered how long it would be until she veered off into the darkness again.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She would just have to take things one day at a time.

* * *

As you can see I did not end up deleting this story. I went through the first two chapters backwards and forward and I couldn't really figure out what it was that I didn't like. There still something about it I'm not satisfied with, but I guess when I figure it out I can just go back and fix it.

I hope the pacing of this chapter wasn't too fast. I didn't want to wait too long before revealing a little something about Raven, but I promise there is so much more to come.


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